The GeneSight^® test helped me get unstuck

I’m not only a patient who took  GeneSight, I’m also a licensed clinical social worker. I tell my clients about the GeneSight® test and encourage them to ask their clinician about it.

Why? It helped me get “unstuck.” I was trapped in an endless cycle of negative emotions due to complex PTSD, anxiety, depression, passive suicidal ideation, self-harming, and medication failure.

I grew up in a family of chaos. My mom is a recovering addict, who could not take care of me. She disappeared from my life every three to four months due to her addiction or to attend rehab. My grandma – who raised me and is “my person” – is a recovering alcoholic. She worked three jobs to give me a better life. Yet, we were living in poverty in an apartment with roaches – and I was helping her pay the rent. I had bad anxiety and lived pretty much in constant fear.

At age 15, I had my first depressive and self-harming episode. I was passively suicidal. I felt like life was more work than what it was worth. I felt like I had put in 300% effort just to get by.

I felt like I was a victim of other people’s choices – I had a lot of feelings of helplessness and a lack of support. I didn’t feel like I could open up to my family. But my grandma saw that I was suffering and got me into therapy.

Medication trial and error

At 16, my psychiatrist started me on an antidepressant (a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor or SSRI).

At that time, it very much felt like: “my family made me crazy and I am crazy person who has to take this medication every day so that I won’t be crazy.” My strongest memory from my teenage years is my grandma waking me up for high school with my antidepressant medication, a piece of buttered toast and a coffee every morning. I remember rolling my eyes and feeling like I was another problem for her to manage. I don’t remember how long I was on the medication – maybe 3 or 4 months – but I noticed no difference in how I was feeling, so I stopped taking it.

I didn’t start taking medications again until college. I found a clinician who put me on a different SSRI than the one I took in high school. This time, I felt good. I had more energy and was happier in general. I had more motivation to get things done.

Yet, after about three months, that feeling wore off. So, they increased the dosage I was taking. I’d feel a bit better, but it would wear off. So, they would increase it again.

And the dosing increases would continue until I was at maximum dose. Then the clinician would say something along the lines of “well, I guess that one didn’t work, let’s try a different one.” This continued with several different medications.

Every time a medication failed me, I felt defeated.

In fact, I stopped taking medications and talking to a psychiatrist for about two years. I developed the attitude that psychiatric medications just don’t work for me. I tried other therapies, but I wasn’t about to take medications.

Hearing about the GeneSight test

 After college, I met my significant other and we moved to New York. In my first job as a licensed clinical social worker, I worked in the emergency department of a medical center, helping with psychiatric evaluations. That’s when I first heard about the GeneSight test. One of my patient’s family members wanted to drop off their results. I remember it caught my attention because it must have been important enough that they wanted to share it with the clinicians who were treating their loved one. But I wasn’t focused on my own needs at the time.

But I soon needed to make myself a priority. I was not coping well. I would drink after work until I would go to bed and I KNEW that was not the answer. I needed to nip that behavior in the bud because of my family history of addiction.

So, I went to my primary doctor, who didn’t know about the GeneSight test. I asked him if he could look into it because I had suffered the medication roller coaster, and I didn’t want to do it again.

I love my primary care doctor. He filled out a form on the GeneSight website and got a phone call from a GeneSight rep that day. He ordered the test and had it sent to my home. When the sample collection kit came in the mail, I opened it like a Christmas package, completed it and sent it back.

My doctor got the result very quickly. He emailed me a copy of my results and set up time to review the results and talk about options.

The first feeling I had was immediate validation.  My primary care clinician  told me that there was “no more throwing darts at the dartboard, these results help me  have an informed decision for your medication.” After we talked, we agreed that I would try a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI).

I started to feel better. I started to get better perspective. It has greatly improved my quality of life because I have hope now. My trauma doesn’t define me, and my passive suicidal ideas are gone for the first time in years. Even my grandma said to me: “oh wow! Now you want to live!”

I find the GeneSight test so incredibly valuable. I tell my clients to look into it . I feel like it could save a life. I never got to the point of suicide, but there are others who could.

Today, thanks to my medication, I’m breaking the cycle of generational trauma. I’m the first person to earn a college degree. I’m not an addict. I’m not worrying I will be homeless. I’m not living as a teen mom. I’m not living in poverty. I am living.