How to Cope With Social Anxiety During the Holidays

The holiday season typically leads to an increase in socializing — with family, coworkers, and friends — and the expectation that the get-togethers and activities will be FUN! But for a lot of people, it can be the opposite. It can make them feel anxious or isolated.

For those with social anxiety disorder, social gatherings can cause self-consciousness and embarrassment out of fear of being judged negatively, or even rejected by others.

This fear and anxiety can lead to avoidance that can disrupt your life. In an article on The Telegraph website, Dr. Belynder Walia, a psychotherapist and anxiety expert, notes that “Some [people with social anxiety disorder] avoid important events or occasions because of the fear of being in public, so it can significantly impact their daily life, relationships and wellbeing.” However, this does not mean that those with social anxiety disorder receive no benefit from social interactions. In fact, research published in the
Journal of Anxiety Disorders found that despite having social anxiety disorder, these individuals derive pleasure from social interactions.

If you or someone you know struggle with social anxiety, here are 4 tips to help you manage these situations around the holiday season:

1. Make a plan for social anxiety

It’s possible to plan ahead for conversations and people who might prompt anxiety. One way is to think of some topics and questions you’d like to bring up – especially on subjects you enjoy talking about. These can take the focus off difficult or personal questions others might ask you.

In many families, someone will have strong opinions, especially on political issues. You don’t have to be drawn into or participate in these debates.

Rebecca Brendel, MD, JD, president of the American Psychiatric Association, wrote in a blog post that you can enlist a trusted family member to help steer the conversation away from any heated topics.

“When efforts at non-judgmental and diverse dialogue are unsuccessful, shutting down conversations that are causing friction and changing the subject is a good strategy,” she wrote. “It’s never wrong to disengage from a conversation with an aggressive person.”

2. Look for a temporary escape hatch

Stepping away from the crowd can give people with social anxiety a chance to recover and catch their breath. Politely excusing yourself to find a quiet room or step outside can help you regain your composure.

Writing in The New York Times, journalist Jancee Dunn told of a family holiday gathering where she escaped to the basement – only to find her father doing the same thing.

“We both knew that, even in the best of times, holiday social gatherings can be overwhelming,” she wrote.

3. Set boundaries

Mental health professionals say it’s important to remember your limits. You don’t have to do everything the group does at a family gathering, talk to everyone, or be the last to leave.

Setting and sticking to your boundaries is one way to protect yourself during holiday gatherings, Mandy Doria, MS, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Colorado Anschutz Medical Campus and a licensed professional counselor, said in an
interview published in Self magazine. Similarly, remembering that these moments don’t last forever can help get you through the event. “It’s just another day,” she said. “It’s gonna come and go.”

4. Focus on what you can control

You might not have veto power over the guest list, location or topics of conversation for a family gathering, but you do have a say over your own activities. For example, make sure you take care of yourself in advance of and during the holiday season. Regular exercise, healthy eating and getting enough sleep generally are within your control.

If you feel you could be suffering from social anxiety during the holidays, talk with your healthcare provider, who can help you and determine whether you need to be evaluated by a mental health clinician for further treatment.

If you do seek professional help, talk therapy and medication may be good options. And if you and your clinician are considering medication treatment, it may be helpful to discuss the GeneSight test with your clinician, as the test may help inform their decision making.

To explore similar topics, please visit:

• Happy(er) Holidays
• 5 Ways to Help a Loved One Living with Anxiety and/or Depression
• What Happens When You Go to the ER with Anxiety?